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Learning to Laugh Again

by Brian Clifford Dowling

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credits

released October 1, 2017

Ryan Taylor Hayes - Recording Engineer
Pat Smith - Auxiliary Instruments

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Brian Clifford Dowling New York

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Track Name: Eternal Defeatist
There I go I went and did it again
The loneliest boy at the ball
Finally thought that I was fitting in
But a worn out welcome is all
That ever greets me and my tired feet, my dull face and sunken eyes
Well I can tell that you’re tired and leaving but darling don't you do it tonight
No darling don't you do it tonight

The pastor’s out preaching on the edge of the town
He's talking about leaving
And I'm talking him out
I said father if you go then who will guide me
He said can't you see there ain't nothing behind me
There are people in this world that you will never get to see
Unless you go out and find them, so good look and be free
If you wanna play it safe die alone in one place
Well stay here, but I'm going to be something great

I went and scared them off again
My god they’re running for the hills
Well you can't you see there's something wrong with me
So cough up and give me the pills
And can you see it in my tired feet
My dull face and sunken eyes
Well I can tell that you are tired and leaving
Well go on and do it tonight
Yes go on and do it tonight

The pastor’s out preaching on the edge of the town
He's talking about leaving
And I'm talking him out
I said father if you go then who will guide me
He said can't you see there ain't nothing behind me
There are people in this world that you will never get to see
Unless you go out and find them, so good look and be free
If you wanna play it safe die alone in one place
Well stay here, but I'm going to be something great

I lost a lot
And now there’s something I misplaced
I'm growing older
And I am growing in distaste
I’m learning how to love ignoring my mistakes
Because I'm a selfish fuck you never should have taken in
Not giving gratitude
I live in solitude
I'm the one that you'll never replace
Track Name: Show Your Cards
Been holding back for way too long
Just biting my tongue
Been waiting for your apology
But it never comes
I will take these cheap insults with a smile and a grin
But inside I regret it I'm down right pathetic and bound to debt to cave in

And I'm just sick of second chances
They scare the living shit out of me
Because I know that you'll end up with him

So if I swore this year that I would tell the truth and that I was being honest and honest with you
It feels so good to say
That it's not me and it's you
Who’s haunting my own bedside
Well I just wanted sleep
And you’re so fucking perfect but it's ain't even worth it
I am yours to keep
So choke on what you swore you'd never be

I'm just sick of second chances I'll fuck this up I know in a week
But at least I'll have you around for a while
To keep me on my feet
I never said I needed you like a crutch though I like when you’re leaning on me
So let me hang around and be the man you know he'll never be
Track Name: Pastures
To sink alone or surf these waves
The ever-present threat capsizes me
The ebb and flow, I let it go
Now there's nothing left here to bind me
I took a fall and lost it all
But I'm back where I started finally
So I'll just sit in silence and listen to the songs that remind me of you

Who said? You said it!
Sometimes you got to go it alone
It's in your head
Nobody said you had to go it alone

So you will sit and talk some shit
Laugh at the moments you’re haunted by
Like all the times you didn't fit in
You just wanted to be alone and to get high
I hope you chose and don't you choke, watch your life flash before your eyes
For you will see the people who weave in and out were the ones who where most alive

Who said? You said it!
Sometimes you got to go it alone
It's in your head
Nobody said you had to go it alone

In the pastures
In the badlands
I'll cross them over
Yeah, yeah I'm leaving you behind
Yeah, yeah I'm leaving you behind
Yeah, yeah I'm leaving you behind
Track Name: Wish You Well
It's been a long type of winter
And I've been sleeping in my bed
Instead of going out to dinner
And sleeping with you instead

Cause you like to be alone
And I like to be alone too
I guess that's why we're falling apart the way we do
Cause you say that I am a madman
And you say I brought you to hell
But don't you darling say that I don't wish you well

I spent a lot of time forgiving and a lot of time being mad
I had the deepest conversation
Talks with old friends, the faults we always had
And there is no truth in this
And I hope that you’re coming to grips
When you hear this the message finds and suits you well

Cause I was always alone
I never wanted to be accompanied by someone like yourself

And you say that I am a madman
And you say I brought you to hell
But don't you darling say that I don't wish you well

It's been a vacant kind of summer
And I'm lying in my bed
Instead of going out to dinner
And sleeping with you instead

Cause you say that I am a madman
And you say I brought you to hell
But don't you darling say that I don't wish you well

The future is so certain
The past is only dead
The only thing I have to call my own are the pictures in my head
Track Name: Learning to Laugh Again
Well I've wrestled with my demons
I’ve grown fond of lonely nights
No longer chasing expectations
More concerned with being right
I found cobwebs on my pillow
You know I haven't slept in days
And I've been skimming through your programs, just trying to find my name

Well it's a great big world
It's got you scared to death
Cause you want your failure and you fear success
But if you go on your own I know you'll be something
I'm not a fool I’m not a coward, more simplistic and mannered
I'm a little bit shy and a little bit hammered
If I tied one on I barely could talk to you

And I’m just scared
Of losing everyone I used to call
They never call
If I found you again I would laugh with you friend and put my troubles behind

You say I embrace the pain
I say it won't go away believe me
I'm not the one to walk it off and I don't want to go
You say that I'm a little bit strange
But I say don't you comprehend that I'm not

It's a great big world it's got you scared to death
Because you live for failure and you fear success
And did you mean what you said, when you said about the future
Go on, keep running and never look back here

I'm not fool I’m not a coward, more simplistic and mannered
Got a chest full of hate and a heart full of anger
And I know, don't you try and drag me home
But I'm hammered to death and a hell of a wreck
I watch the room turn on the spin of a deck of a card that you where dealt yourself

I don't know what I said
I don't know where I belong
I don't want to be alone
And all the friends in my life
They’re gone home to hide
I just don't want to be alone

You say that I embrace the pain
I say it won't go away believe me
I'm not the one you thought I was when we were younger
I hope that your life is well
I hope that you’re not in hell like I am
I just don't want to be alone

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